1.3 Whatever
We Do
Whatever
we do let’s try to do better. Our actions, our words, whatever it is, let us
try to make them better and better. Success they say is a journey and not a destination. We can say, progress also is a journey and not a destination. Therefore, we need not feelcomplacent that we are doing fine. We must constantly be on the look for better performance.
If
I want to thank someone I can say, “Thanks”. But suppose I say, “Thanks a lot,” wouldn’t it be better? Depending
upon the time and the situation, we can try and improve this even further and say, “I am very grateful to you” or “you’ve been of great help. I thank youfrom the bottom of my heart!” and so on.
This
is a simple case of expressing gratitude. But when we think a little more, we can
learn to do or say things in a better way by giving some thought to our action
or speech. I had an appointment with a person, who was senior to me in our erstwhile company. I was a bit late and trying to make amends I
said, “I'm sorry I made you wait.” “Oh! It’s Ok,” he said and added, “It’s a
pleasure waiting for you.” I felt flattered. One might argue that the other person might have said it without any
thinking. Even then I would say that I like to hear such statement unless, of
course, they were said sarcastically.
When
we speak about saying or doing better, a question arises about comparison, because better usually follows ‘than’. Wise
people say that we should compare ourselves with our own selves. I should
compare my performance of last year and see whether I am doing better or not.
One
of the ways in which we can do better is by adding words to our actions and
also adding actions to our words. Let me tell you about an incident. I was waiting for the lift. The lift come down and I found that two
fellows (shouldn’t I say, persons or even better, gentlemen?) started removing
packets which were fully occupying the lift. I noticed that they did the job
fairly fast giving me an impression that they did not want delay me. In a
little while they finished the job and got into the lift and went to my
Training Centre. In the class I mentioned this incident and asked the trainees
to mention how this particular situation would have been rendered better. A
couple oftrainees did mention that the two gentlemen who were removing the
packets could have said just something like, “One minute sir, we’ll finish in
no time.” Nice answer. Don’t you agree? It would have made such a difference.
But another trainee said, “You could have thought of lending a helping hand.”
You go to a shop and ask for something. Most
often the shopkeeper or the sales person reaches out to the item you want and
hands it over to you. No word, nothing. Suppose he were to say just two words, “Yes
sir?” In posh restaurants the waiters or stewards do
say, "Good morning" or some such thing and then ask for your order.
But have you noticed how the waiters behave in most our
restaurants, in spite of the fact that the food and ambience are
quite good? They usually come and stand near you expecting you to place the order. Suppose they
say just two words, “Yes, sir?”
Doctors
treating patients can make their jobs much better if they choose to talk nicely
to their patients. A word here or a word there. Most doctors are serious or
even stern. Probably they imply that they are doing serious work.
True. But talking nicely and reassuringly is also a part of treatment, isn’t it? It is said that a couple of
friendly words from the doctor or even a smile can go a long way in making the
patient feel better.
On
a certain occasion I hailed an auto
rickshaw and said, “City Hospital”. The auto man did not look at me but simply ‘downed’
the meter. Well, it was a clear indication that he was willing to make me to my
destination, but wouldn’t it have been much better if he had said, “Yes Sir,
please get in”, or simply say, “Come.” The least he could have done was to make a gesture with
his face or hand. I did mention the point to him and to my good luck he agreed
with me. On another occasion I called an auto and said, “Central Market”. He
said, “Sorry, Sir, It’s time for me to hand over the auto,” And so saying he
hailed another auto and asked,” Guru, Central Market?” That man agreed and I
got in. This shows that we can say ‘No’ also in the most pleasant way.
Even
a very ordinary thing like giving alms to a beggar can be done a better way. “Here, take
this,” we can say nicely and with some feeling. What do most people do? They
refuse to look at the beggar. If he persists they indicate that he should go
ahead. Some say, “Mundey, hogappa (Go further)”, or some such thing. Some don’t
say anything but try to shun the beggar by their body language. And
finally when the giving becomes inevitable they give grudgingly. If we decide to give alms, should we
not do so gracefully? In Mumbai they have nice way of saying, “Maph karo”
(Please excuse). It’s a nice way of saying, “Sorry, I am not able to give.”
We
have a number of notices; instructions and orders like ‘No Parking’, ‘No
Smoking’, ‘No Admission’, ‘Visitors’ cars not Allowed’ and so on and so forth.
Don’t these terms sound rater rough? True, people are trying to be brief
because brevity is a genuine need in such public notices. But we have seen that
that at least in the case of smoking, people have made some innovation.
Nowadays they write, “Thank You for Not Smoking.”
Can’t we try to use better terms in other
cases also? I am not suggesting that in
every case we should say, “Thank you for……..” We can think of innovative methods to make our orders, instructions and
notices sound more polite, more polished.
In south India, some restaurants are famous for the tasty fare they
offer. Naturally therefore, they have big rush and it is a problem for the management. In one such restaurant I saw a board,
“Don’t sit Here for a long time.” How odd! Can they not say the same thing in
better words? Luckily, I saw in
another place a board, “Please make room for waiting customers.” In yet another
place I saw a notice which read, “Kindly make room for waiting friends.”
It
is our practice to be brief while
sending telegrams. Here again
the reason is brevity. We want to
save words in order to cut costs. So if someone wants to request his brother to
receive him at the station, he might send a telegram somewhat like this, “REACHING
MUMBAI THURSDAY (STOP) SHATABDI (STOP) MEET STATION.” Now just for the sake of
one single word the telegram has become totally devoid of any courtesy. What could be the additional cost of
adding ‘please’? Nowadays the telegram has been relegatedto the background due to the coming of
the telephone and the Internet. But have we solved the issue of courtesy? Don’t
we see (or should I say, hear?) people ask, “Who’s this?” instead of saying,
“May I know who is calling please?” In a certain book on communication I found
a very interesting method of asking who is calling. If you call Mr. Patel in
his office, his secretary will receive the call and before connecting to Mr.
Patel she would want to know who the caller is so that she can inform the same
to Mr. Patel. What does the secretary say? She does not say, “Who’s this?” or
even “May I know who is calling please?” She says, “Can I tell Mr. Patel who is
calling please?” The idea is this - You want to talk to Mr. Patel. I do not
wish to know who you are. But I must tell Mr. Patel who is calling him.
Therefore, I am requesting you to tell me who you are.
Consider
how we respond when someone says ‘thank you’ to us.
In the olden days people used to say, “Don’t mention it.” Later people started using the
phrase, “It’s all right.” Nowadays people say, “You are welcome” or simply “Welcome”.
One method of
improving our communication with other is to put ‘you’ before ‘I’ as far as
possible. Consider some words like union, united, building, guiding, trusting,
communication and so on. In these words the letter ‘U’ comes before the letter ‘I’.
This indicates to us that we should try to put ‘You’, that is, the other person
before I. If I wish to thank someone for the nice party I can say, “Your party
was so enjoyable. I thank you.” Another instance. “Your letter made me very
happy…”
It
may be noted that there is no limit to the
improvement we can make in our action or speech. Nor can say that a particular
action of speech is the best. There is no formula. What is best may depend on
the occasion and it may be possible to continuously make improvement. The whole
idea is to be aware of the need and importance of doing and saying things better and
better.
Clifford Martis
