My most Special moment

Once I was training in my boxing gym and I was lifting 18kg weights. The other weights were set out on the floor for when I needed them. I was on my last set of ten when I fell back and the weight came crashing down and landed on my leg. I couldn’t feel my left leg. I twisted my ankle and then I was rolling around in excrushiating pain. My manager came in once he heard my call of pain. He sat me up and I hobuld over to the ring. He sat me down on the side of the ring and got me a glass of warter. Ten minutes later I gave my dad a call and he came straight to the gym. My dad and my manager took me to hospital.

We arrived in an hours time. The traffic was bad and I hobuld over to a chair and sat there with my manager while my dad went to reseption. By the time we got to the hospital my leg had swollen up to the size of a baby elephants foot. I was called in, the doctor said ‘What is your name?’ I said ‘Mark.’ I was given an x-ray and sent to the emergency room and was told some hart breaking news considering that I had a big fight coming up, they said, you have broken your tibia and sprained your ankle. I had to stay in a hospital bed for 2 to 3 months.

Each day my leg was getting better, My family visited every day and my manager to. I was getting better pritty fast. My manager came in the room and gave me good and bad news. I said, ‘Can I hear the good news first?’ ‘OK,’ he said. I was told that Joe Calzaghe, one of the best boxers in the world, was coming to see me in a few weeks time. And the bad news was that my boxing match was canceled but I wasn’t bothered about that.

After a week, Joe came to see me. I was waiting with the door open. He came in and my dad and my manager left us to talk. We were just chatting about boxing and I was asking questions about how many fights he had won. He said just over 18 in his career. He asked me how any I had won and I told him six so far. We had a good chat and a cuple of moments later he said, ‘Will you be able to make it to my match. I’ll get you front row seats.’ I said, ‘I don’t have enough money.’ But he produced tickets from his pocket and they were for the front row by his corner. I said, ‘Thank you so much. You have made my day.’

I was out of hospital in no time. My dad came to pick me up and I was happy to see my street and most importantly my family. I was welcomed home with celebrations and we partied.

The next day the boxing match was on and me and my family were ready to go. We got there in an hour and sat in our seats. Joe’s fight was over in three rounds with a clean knockout and the towel thrown in. I jumped up in excitment and after the match he called me and asked if I wanted to go clubbing. I said ‘yes.’  So we went out together and had a good time. We kept in touch and we are good friends even now.

Commentary


The work has an immediate reality and the student introduces the narrative with a simple but clear description of the time and place. The accident is fairly carefully handled in a totally credible if simple way and the hospital scene is accurately portrayed. After Calzaghe’s visit, the work becomes more fanciful and the ending is less convincing. However, there is much to recommend this simple but reasonably engaging story. It has a clear beginning, middle and end and there are not many unnecessary details. Paragraphing is secure. The student has been wise to write about an aspect of life of which he has clear experience. This makes the work more convincing and engaging. On the other hand, there are spelling and grammatical errors and the punctuation is weak on occasion. It deserves a mark in the top end of the Band 2 Content and Organisation aspect and a Band 2 SSPS mark, giving it a total of 10.

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