“Is your rage putting you in danger?” Ria read. These words echoed in her mind, if only she had read this article a month ago, everything would be so different. Her tragic experience would never have happened. Last month, on an exciting trip with her mates, a time to relax and not think about the other stresses in her life, she never thought it could turn into the holiday from hell.
Zack was the boy of her dreams, he had blond hair as bright as the sun, blue eyes, that type of blue where you could just get lost in them. From the first moment she saw him she knew something would happen between the two of them. They had so much in common: loved the same type of music, both enjoyed playing sports, they were just perfect for each other; it was fate that they met! Zack was just the perfect boy for Ria.......A great holiday romance, just beginning.
A big group of them would meet at the beach during the day; Ria and her friends, and Zack and his group would lay on the beach and sunbath or go and do some water sports; this was the holiday of a lifetime. At the end of the day, the girls would go and get ready and they would all meet up at ‘Le Rumba’ – the bar they had deemed theirs for the time being. There Ria and Zack would see no one else in the world, when she was in his arms, she felt nothing else mattered; although she had only known him a couple of days, she trusted him and lusted after him when he wasn’t there. Although Ria always had the feeling that she was being watched, she shared her concern with Zack, but he told her she was being silly. But she still had a strange feeling in the back of her mind.
Before Ria knew it, the end of the holiday had sprung upon them, they had been having such a good time together they had never thought about the fact that, the two of them were going to go their separate ways. It was a scary thought but Ria thought she would make the best of the night and not to let it get in their way. The girls dressed up in their best clothes and did their make up, determined to make it the best end to a brilliant holiday. Ria thought tonight was going to be excellent, something she would never forget..........but for all the wrong reasons.
Ria and the girls got down to ‘Le Rumba’ at about eight o’clock, just for when everyone else was going to meet. Zack and Ria greeted with a hug and kiss.
“Alright babe, how are you?” Zack had asked; being in his arms just felt right. “Yeh, I’m good thanks, lets get the drinks in” Ria had replied. After two rounds of drinks, Ria had noticed someone staring at her: Matt; he had been quiet and reserved but now she realised he has always made a special effort to talk and make her happy. But she just smiled nervously, brushed off his looks and carried on chatting to Zack. When Ria thought about going home it brought tears to her eyes, she didn’t want to leave the paradise that she and the others had created, Ria wanted to stay forever.
She decided to give her parents a ring, just to confirm with them her flight times, the time she would leave the fantasy island. Ria knew her and Zack would see each other after the holiday, they had each others numbers and knew where they lived, but it just wouldn’t be the same, she didn’t want to leave.
After the phone call, walking back towards the bar, looking out for that gorgeous face waiting for her to come back, she saw that face but he certainly wasn’t looking out for Ria. He was too busy kissing her best mate, Mair. Ria was confused. What was going on? She was enraged. How could they do this? Ria was uncontrollable with anger; she had never felt so hurt before. She stormed over and without even thinking, slapped Mair. She pulled Zack over to the side of the bar to find out what was going on. He claimed it was all just a big mistake, it hadn’t meant anything.
Ria was furious; how could they have done this to her? She knew it was only a holiday romance but she did feel a lot for him, and Mair knew that. She wanted to go home; this had completely ruined the holiday. What had she done to deserve this? Ria was livid, she didn’t know what else to do but cry, but she wasn’t going to let anyone else see. She just walked away heading back towards the hotel...or so she thought.
It was late, pitch black, the stillness of the street was ominous, and something didn’t feel right, as if somebody was watching her, the same feeling from before but a lot stronger. Ria carried on walking, not knowing where she was going, the adrenaline just taking her, hoping soon she would recognise her surroundings. Her heels were the only noise breaking the eerie silence of the night. Ria was all dressed with no where to go; she wanted someone with her something certainly didn’t feel right.
The black of the night was mystifying. Ria’s paradise didn’t seem the same, no longer was it inviting and colourful but black, dull and so awful. Why was there no one there with her; of all her mates she had with her and all the people she had met.
Suddenly it wasn’t only her heels splitting the silence; another set of footsteps were fast approaching. Ria was wary of turning around, hoping it was one of her friends, scared that it wasn’t. She knew she had to look otherwise she would panic. Ria slowly turned around and with a gasp of breath, she saw Matt. Why wasn’t she pleased to see him? Surely he was going to help her?
“Are you ok?” he asked leeringly, “I saw what happened back there”
“Yes, I’m fine” Ria knew he would tell in her voice that it wasn’t, she felt uncomfortable with the situation she was in.
“Do you want to come back to my hotel?” Matt asked. “You look like you’ve been crying.”
“No I’m ok thanks” Ria snapped back and with this she started to walk away, back towards the bar, being with Zack wouldn’t be as bad as this.
“Where are you going?” Matt shouted, grabbing her arm. “LET GO OF ME” Ria screamed.
Before Ria knew it his hand was over her mouth, her voice was paralysed, and she couldn’t call for help, what was Matt doing? He carried her round the corner, where he released her.
“How about we have our own little party here, Hun?”
“No thanks, I’ve got to get back, I only told Zack I was going for a little walk to cool down” A blatant lie but she was hoping Matt wouldn’t now this. She was feeling very uncomfortable about what was going on.
“Stay for a bit!” Matt ordered, he pushed her to sit down on the wall. Ria was quiet. She didn’t know what to do or say. Her whole body was still. She thought any movement would anger him anymore.
“Come on babe, I know you like me, I saw the looks and the smiles” Matt said.
“I...I...was just trying to be friendly” Ria stuttered, a friendly smile had got her into this.
“Don’t you want to be with me then?” Matt questioned.
“I’m with Zack” she replied, she didn’t know whether she was anymore but she didn’t want to look available.
“I saw you two arguing, you aren’t together anymore, so you and me can get together.” And with that, he pinched her backside.
“Get off me!”
“O you know you like it, don’t tease me.” He tried to kiss her and as she pulled away, he grabbed her so she couldn’t. What was going on? She wasn’t kissing back so how could he enjoy it, and she was trying to imagine how nice it would be to be in Zack’s arms again, why had she ruined it? Ria was petrified, if he could force her to kiss him, what else could he do, she felt helpless. Ria’s mind didn’t seem to be in her body, she wouldn’t accept this normally, and with that thought Matt’s hands had risen up to her chest, unbuttoning her top. Someone help here!
And before she knew it...
“GET OFF HER!” a familiar voice, but whose; she opened her eyes to see Zack, standing over the knocked out Matt on the floor.
“ZACK!” Ria screamed, she fell into his arms and cried.
And now sitting here reading the magazine article, her rage did put her in danger, she had been such a fool and got herself in a situation she couldn’t get out off, if Zack hadn’t been there that evening, who knows what could have happened. But it was unquestionably a holiday that she will never forget.
This student organises her third person narrative quite carefully and the content retains the reader’s interest. The situation is well established in the opening paragraphs and characterisation is developed. The central relationship is reasonably convincing and the narrative has some pace. Details are generally well chosen and appropriate. Technically it is fairly competent though comma splicing also slightly weakens the overall effect. Direct speech is well-handled and sounds authentic although the punctuation is sometimes faulty. The spelling is mostly correct though the range of vocabulary is relatively limited and on occasion there are agreement errors. Both Content and Organisation and SSPS are worthy of a mark in the respective Band 3s, giving the piece a total of 13.